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She said, "Hi" in a way so seductive it could make an old overweight audio reviewer cry. Well, you know the type. Since this Dic isn't one of those, it was time to move in for a, um, closer look if you know what i mean. She continued, "You know what I want and I know a great Dic like you can give it to me." So i handed her twenty bucks, bread, fundedge, wampum, long green; my wad and she cautiously looked both ways then she took me into the alleyway. The way the streetlight shined on her made her all that more beautiful. It would be nice to take a break from all this hard Dic action. Still, something wasn't quite right. She asked me for another twenty and i said "Sorry baby, already shot you most of my load." Something wasn't quite right so i continued "Well baby, you and my ex are alike. Always wanting me to give give give." We talked for a few minutes. In the end she gave me what turned out to be some great leads. Just then i noticed this diner across the street and my stomach was growling too. So i pointed to the Diner and said "Baby, i love cherry pie." "I have the best cherry pie you've ever tasted" she said in a way that could melt the chocolate bar in your pocket. Then suddenly she reached out and grabbed me with her legs!
After escaping i told her "Baby, i'm just not that kinda Dick. We made a deal." So i left her and headed to the Diner. All this action has really made me hungry. It has been a long hard day and i needed to unwind. Good ol' greasy spoon Diner food always hits the spot. So i crossed the street to get some eats.
Finally the case was solved! Seems i found this long lost sister of my client. She was held up in this sleazy, darkly lit dance club. When i got there she was making a spectacle of herself, posing for some new canned tuna company. Hmmm, something did smell like fish here. Seems she was going to be the mermaid, and, well, she did have great "fins" if ya know what i mean. With this case all wrapped up it was time for me to go home. Home to my small place in the country to relax out. Nothing seems more natural then enjoying old Van Halen on vinyl. Some things in life just feel so right, ya know. So i grabbed a great tasting Cohiba, turned on the tube amps, dropped the needle on the record, and the music played on. Van Halen "Ice Cream Man" to be exact. i'm your ice cream man baby, stop me when i'm passing by. Seems that all my flavors are guaranteed to satisfied. Hope you all enjoyed the exciting, action-packed, thrill a minute adventure of Richard "Dick" Rochlin in his Las Vegas WCES '99 private eye escapade. So next time there's trouble and you need a great private eye, you too can call on Dick. No job too long or too hard. As this Dick always says... Enjoy the music!
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