Le Festival Son et Image de Montréal 2001

Holy Colonoscopy Batman!

  No trip to Montreal would be complete or fun without a meal at one of the city's numerous Jewish soul food restaurants. Even a nudnik Torontonian like Ian White would be the first to admit that Montreal has the best deli in North America (sorry but the 2nd Avenue Deli and Kaplan's pale in comparison) and what sets it apart is its infamous smoke meat on rye (medium of course as only little girls eat it lean) with a plate of greasy fries, covered with enough ketchup for a family of thirty-seven at a Cracker Barrel in northern Florida. While the rest of Europe slaughters livestock, our intrepid reviewing team of Walker and White pushed their way through a long line of patrons to enjoy a delicious and healthy serving of Schwartz's world famous smoke meat.

 

"It's a religious thing," mumbled Ian through a mouthful of meat.

A report on the evening news in Montreal mentioned something about a riot breaking out on St. Laurent this afternoon when two unidentified men attempted to purchase takeout for a thousand, emptying Schwartz's of its entire stock of the sacred meat.

"We almost got away with it too…if only I had not insisted on the coleslaw for nine hundred men and the mustard on the side," screamed White as he pushed his way through the angry mob. "Thank G-d, I didn't mention the dirty knife."

Mound of Smoked Meat

Sleep? Who said anything about sleep?

While Le Festival may be finished for another year (only 6 more shows left to cover this year boys!), the intrepid team of Woodward and Bernstein…or was it Stone and Parker (it's hard to tell Ian White and Matt Stone apart anymore), continued writing well into the night on the train ride home from Montreal.

"Well, the whole idea of taking the train was that we could enjoy looking at the countryside while we mocked manufacturers on the way home," remarked Ian White with a fair degree of sarcasm. "Of course, it proved to be next to impossible as it was pitch black outside by the time the train left the station. We just sat back, drank heavily, popped a few Zantac and began working on something nice to say about the home theatre demonstrations…like I said, we drank heavily."

 

Ian White at Work

"In Ian's case, not heavily enough as he really needed it after the Wilson demonstration," replied Walker.

Neil Walker at Work