Home  |  Audio Reviews  Show Reports   Partner Mags  News 

 

April 2001
April Fools Joke!

Enjoy the Music.com Review Magazine
The Ultimate Tweak
Article By Dave Glackin
Click here to e-mail reviewer
 

  You've done the exotic cable. You got your resonances controlled. You've set your cartridge VTA to a gnat's eyelash. You've got your diffusers, absorbers, and custom listening chairs in your dedicated room. What's next? What's left? Only... The Ultimate Tweak!

The air we breathe is less than 1% argon. Yes, argon, that insert little atom that reacts with just about nothing. A gas that's a poor conductor of heat. I could go on, but imagine the following scenario. You decide that it's time for a little listening session. You approach the door of your dedicated room. You swing a large handle and pull open the heavy metal door. You find yourself in a small room with a similar door on the other side. You don your breathing apparatus. You press the big red button. Suddenly, the air in the room is evacuated and replaced with (you guessed it) argon. Pure, sweet argon. You go through the other door, into your listening room, which is already filled with argon, at a slight positive pressure. But you're breathing free, with your special breathing apparatus that supplies you with pure air at one atmospheric pressure. In short, you're in your

 

Argon-Filled Dedicated Listening Room!
What are its advantages, and why should you care?

1. Expensive red wine can be stored uncorked...there is no oxidation happening in your listening room!

2. The contacts on your expensive electronics never oxidize! Once they're clean, they're clean forever.

3. When your vacuum-tube amp goes kablooie, no fire can follow the nice blue flash...there's no oxygen to support a fire!

4. No CD rot!

5. There can be none of the usual audiophile jabbering while listening to music. Your audiobuds have to keep that breathing mouthpiece firmly in place, sit down, shut up, and listen for a change. How refreshing!

6. There are no unsightly spider webs on the ceiling. There are no spiders.

7. There are no silverfish in your record jackets...other than old dead ones...very dead ones.

8. The pages of your valuable collection of audio mags never yellow.

9. Your oxygen-free copper cables stay oxygen free. There's no oxygen leaking in through badly sealed terminations.

10. Argon is a poor conductor of heat. Thus, those big OTL tube amps won't feel quite so hot any more!

11. Regular air, composed primarily of oxygen and nitrogen molecules, suffers from "propagation confusion" noise, due to the presence of two kinds of molecules involved in the transmission of audio waves. We call this Bimolecular Flux Dispersion (BFD). But you, you cunning devil, have an argon-filled listening room...no more BFD!

 

Of course, being the cutting-edge audiophile that you are, not just any argon will do. You'll want to use Audiophile Approved Argon (AAA). That means you'll want the Certified Registered Argon Product (CRAP) from the Argon Business Board of America (ABBA). Or if you really want to impress your next date, you'll insist on NOS (Nature's Own Straight) argon, usually found in canisters in the basements of old physics buildings on campuses back east.

Finally, what about that breathing apparatus? You'll need Some Crazy Unbelievable Breathing Apparatus - Delivering Only Oxygen (SCUBA-DOO). And you'll need to be, I mean, get certified to use it. And you'll want only the latest optical-quality tenth-wave glass for your face mask (to help with imaging, natch), and you'll want only the finest in comfy mouthpieces.

Finally, you'll want a large, utterly reliable supply of air. It'll take some time to get back through that airlock in case of emergency, and a sudden release of argon into the rest of the house would definitely not be appreciated by the family pets.

So go to it! Solve the pervasive problem of BFD. Amaze your friends and confound your enemies by being the first on your block with an argon-filled listening room. Just don't stop to smell the vinyl.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

     
Quick Links


Audiophile Review Magazine
High-End Audio Equipment Reviews

Equipment Review Archives
Turntables, Cartridges, Etc
Digital Source
Do It Yourself (DIY)
Preamplifiers
Amplifiers
Cables, Wires, Etc
Loudspeakers/ Monitors
Headphones, IEMs, Tweaks, Etc

Superior Audio Archives
Ultra High-End Audio Reviews

Videos
Musician Series
Enjoy the Music.TV

Music Reviews
Classical Music
Jazz, Bluegrass, Blues, Etc.
Rock, Pop, Techno, Metal, Etc.

Columns
Editorials By Tom Lyle
Editorials By Steven R. Rochlin
Viewpoint By Roger Skoff
Audiolics Anonymous
Nearfield By Steven Stone
Various Think Pieces
Manufacturer Articles


Partner Magazines
The Absolute Sound
Australian Hi-Fi Magazine
NOVO (CANADA HiFi)
hi-fi+ Magazine
HIFICRITIC
HiFi Media
Hi-Fi World
Sound Practices
VALVE Magazine

Show Reports
Capital Audiofest (CAF) 2017 CanMania
Rocky Mountain Audio Fest 2017
CanJam 2017 Denver RMAF
LAAS 2017 Show Report
High End Munich 2017 Show Report
AXPONA 2017 Show Report
CanJam SoCal 2017 Show Report
Montreal Audio Fest 2017 Show Report
CanJam NYC 2017 Report
CES 2017 Show Report & Videos
TAVES 2016 Toronto Show Report
T.H.E. Show Newport 2016
Audio Engineering Society 141 LA
CanJam London 2016 Show Report
Hong Kong AV Show Report 2016
Click here for previous shows.

Resources And Information
Music Definitions
Hi-Fi Definitions
High-End Audio Manufacture Links

 


Daily Industry News

High-End Audio News & Information

Internet Browser
Audiophile Internet Browser V12

Mobile Phone Apps
Android Audiophile App

Other
Audiophile Contests
Cool Free Stuff For You
Tweaks For Your System
Vinyl Logos For LP Lovers
Lust Pages Visual Beauty
300B Tube Comparison

For The Press & Industry
About Us
Press Releases
Official Site Graphics

Contests & Join Our Mailing List

Our free newsletter for monthly updates & enter our contests!

Our Social Media & Video Channel
     

 

 

     

Home  |  Sitemap  |  Industry News  |  Equipment / Music Reviews  |  Press Releases  |  About Us  |  Contact Us

 

All contents copyright  1995 - 2017  Enjoy the Music.com
May not be copied or reproduced without permission.  All rights reserved.